Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
