lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
