You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
