If i come over, it means nothing
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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