Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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