Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
