loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
