I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
