I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
