Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
