I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
