I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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