I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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