Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just high enough for therapy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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