I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
