Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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