there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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