Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
