I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
