i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
