woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Enjoy the penises
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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