Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's official drugs can't kill me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
