I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
