sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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