I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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