you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
