i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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