I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is wine microwaveable?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize