Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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