her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
