what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
