you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize