we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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