Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
