So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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