cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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