If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize