please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize