Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
