You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
