My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
