i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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