do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
