I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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