you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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