but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
