it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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