So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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