I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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