Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
