And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
