I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize