Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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