Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
