I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
