woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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