He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
