So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
