Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
