FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
