Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
