two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
