one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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