remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
