he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize