I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
