my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize