He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
