Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
