I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
