Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
