I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
