he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
