Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
