I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize