i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
